How To Answer 🤔 “Why Are You Still Single?”🤨 Without Being Awkward AF 🥴

Alright, ladies, when you’re out there in the dating world and you’re getting to know someone new, it’s inevitable that you’re gonna get asked the question “Why are you still single?” and it makes most women give the worst answers... awkward, cringe-worthy answers... no matter how cool, calm, and collected they usually are in their life. They really, really, really hate being asked that question, and actually kinda get offended cuz WTF?!?! If they knew that, they wouldn’t be single anymore, right?

In this post, I’m gonna give you an example of how to be more confident and graceful when answering that question using what I call C.R.A.V.E. Bonding Techniques (check out the free companion video guide to learn what they are... come join us in our FB group...) but first, I wanna give you 2 simple reasons why it’s totally legit for a guy to be asking it in the first place…

First... I mean, look, the guy’s interested in you, right? He’s intrigued by you. He’s seeing this beautiful, smart, magnetic creature in front of him and it’s only natural that he’s wondering how you’re still on the market and why... So following that up, 2) there’s a lot he can learn about you from how you respond to that question… like how much emotional baggage you’re carrying around, for instance… And it’s not just the words you say, it’s the overall response I’m talking about.

Your response is either gonna be attractive to him or it’s gonna be a repellent. I don’t make the rules, it’s just how it is.

If the guy you’re dating is actually a good guy, a real quality man that’s genuinely interested in you… he’s looking at your answer to that question as a way to decide whether or not it’s even worth it for him to pursue anything further with you or is he better off to cut and run in order to avoid introducing a source of emotional chaos into his life. That man don’t want that smoke and neither should you.

First I’ma tell you 3 horribly common ways that women respond to that question that absolutely sucks when it comes to dating and the first one is…

She turns into Emotional Eve.

This one happens when you think you think you’re opening up or “being vulnerable” but in reality, what you’re doing is you’re seeking emotional support from him to get a sense of relief from your past experiences with guys. You don’t want him to be like all the rest.

You start over sharing all your horror stories about how you’ve been fucked over by this guy or hurt by that one or abused by a different one in your past, but the problem is... you’re pouring all of that out to a guy that really doesn't even know you like that. Before he even gets the chance to dig into your best qualities, you’re laying all your insecurities out there like a friggin’ buffet that's either gonna:

a) be a turn off to a good, quality guy OR
b) it’s gonna give the fuckboys all the ammunition they need and a detailed roadmap to do exactly what they do best and fuck you over.

But to a good guy, it shows him that you still carry a lot of emotional baggage that you’re eventually gonna try to make him responsible for AND, not only that, you’re showing that you lack caution in what you reveal when you’re in an uncomfortable or emotional situation. That’s an indicator that you might bring other people and situations into your relationship that ain’t got no business being there, like posting shit on social media when you feelin’ a type of way or telling anyone who will listen what’s going on in your house. You’ll have plenty of time to share the more emotional parts of you in due time when your relationship evolves to that point, but “Emotional Vomiting” especially early on, is severely unattractive. Keep doing it... And he’s on to the next.

Okay, now the second cringeworthy common response to that question … and this one happens if you’re dating defensively instead of openly… she turns into...

Defensive Debbie.

Her normal internal response is to feel judged or angry for being single cuz she probably hears it from everywhere, not just guys she dates, like from family and shit.

And she has a bag full of attitude that she pulls out at the drop of a dime when she's asked why she's single, like, “Damn, ain’t you single, too, bruh?” or “Cuz men are too blind to see a good thing when it’s in their face.” or whatever —

Red Flag!

That kind of response tells a quality guy that you’re not comfortable being single (read: you can’t be alone), and eventually, you’re gonna try and make him responsible for that one, too. AND not only that, you’re also showing that when you get uncomfortable or offended, your response is kinda immature, so what’s it’s gonna be like dating you later on when the real relationship stuff starts popping up. Emotional immaturity is a huge turn off. Keep doing it... And he’s on to the next.

Ok… so the third common response -- she becomes...

Aggressive Annie.

This one happens when you’re sick and tired of the endless cycle of shiftless guys you’ve dated in the past and ‘you’re just not gonna take it any more’.

She sounds like “I’m not finna let a man Applebee’s me to death… or Netflix and Chill me to death … or text me to death.” or “I’m single cuz they can’t handle me.” Or “Cuz men don’t know how to treat a real woman” or some other shit that she thinks boosts up the type of accomplished woman she is or quote/unquote “Queen” she is, but not really…

Because what’s really going on in his brain when he’s processing it, is that you’re telling him that, no matter how smart and high-achieving you are everywhere else, you have a pattern of picking grimy partners to date and have shitty past dating/relationship experiences, so you may lack the discernment to see when a good guy like him is actually doing something genuine for you and you’re gonna, basically, make him “pay” for the string of dusty ass dudes YOU chose before him.

Once again, It’s not his responsibility to fix how you feel about your past choices in men, especially if it’s a new thing between y’all and he hasn’t even had the opportunity to really get to know you and actually start building an emotional bond with you. Confident and assertive is sexy, aggressive is not. Keep doing it... And he’s on to the next.

Alright! So now you know what NOT to do when asked “Why are you still single?” And I hope it helped a little…

But now, it’s time to get to the meat and potatoes of how you DO respond to that question the right way, keeping in mind the C.R.A.V.E. communication factors IN CONGRUENCE WITH YOUR PERSONALITY. No one’s telling you to change your personality… just incorporate more of these factors into your dating interactions. That’s what creates the attractive environment the guy you’re interested in will actually want to be around WITHOUT any prompting from you and isn’t that what you want?

Now… You already know my 3 P’s of smart dating:

PREP,
PACE,
and PLAY.

So obviously the first thing I recommend doing is practicing your responses so you’re not caught off guard any time it comes up. That’s the PREP part and you can do a ton of it using our Tell Me More decks covering every dating scenario you can think of…

You’re gonna be confident. You’re gonna be honest. You’re gonna reveal your stories according to the degree of disclosure based on where you are in the relationship-building process with that particular guy, without even the slightest appearance of baggage.

Your response has to show that you’re not at all in a hurry or desperate to end your singleness (all of the that is the PACE part) and you want it to trigger the right internal responses in him that have him naturally want to know more about you… curiosity! (That’s the PLAY). The TMM decks help you all that too.

So here’s a C.R.A.V.E. example for how to answer when a guy asks you, “Why are you still single?”

You could say something like:

“Wow, why is a wonderful woman like me still single, huh…? I’ll take ‘million dollar questions’ for $200, Alex.”... Then you give a little nonverbal with a chuckle or a coy look. And continue with…

“Well, I spent a lot of time fine-tuning myself and learning exactly who I want to both BE and BE WITH in a relationship. Now that I’ve done that and absolutely love where I’m at with it, I’m having a lot of fun just enjoying my dating life and meeting incredible people… at least, until the best of the best ingredients shows up that really complement mine, because with the right ingredients, me and my guy can ___ (insert your happy relationship result here)___ but until then, I’m just gonna keep enjoying all of this …

-- For me I would insert ‘ take over the world’... for you it’ll be something different… Whatever it is, cap it off with a “How about yourself?” and BOOM!

A C.R.A.V.E. response, that captivates, fascinates, and opens the door to a deeper talk that moves you beyond surface level attraction instead of opening the door to an awkward moment followed by crickets. And congratulations… you’re on your way to mastering the art of dating conversations.

A response like this shapes your singleness, and your personal growth, and your relationship-building accountability in an extremely positive light and highlights your admirable qualities, like thoughtfulness, playfulness, and emotional discipline. It still shows that you have deeper relationship intentions without saying, “Hey! I wanna be in a relationship right damn now”. It invites him to explore what those ingredients are that you’re looking for. It gives him a challenge to “conquer” that doesn’t make him feel like you’re trying to make him to “chase”you. He just genuinely desires to learn more.

Dating is not a ‘pursuit’ or a ‘chase’... it’s an exploration and exploring is supposed to be FUN.

Responses like this one gives you an opportunity to explore each other freely and easily without all the awkwardness.

Alright, so that’s it for this post on answering the ‘Why are you still single’ question.

So now that you got all this awesome new info, you can stop letting small shit like those types of basic dating questions questions throw you off and make you act from your insecurities instead of your confidence.

Use those normal, basic dating questions you usually hate as the prime opportunity they are to be radiant, vibrant, and enchanting and really help you stand out in the sea of other women out there trying to date the same men you are.

It’s the Hunger Games outchea, baby!

Keep doin’ the same shit you been doing and volunteer yourself as tribute foster girlfriend til the guy you’re interested in comes up on a chic who’s not afraid to unapologetically exhibit these magnetic C.R.A.V.E. qualities in her own unique way as her dating and relationship norm. (FYI, that’s really how you show vulnerability, by the way.)

So before I go… did you see yourself in one of those “wrong” responses to that question? Were you Emotional Eve, Defensive Debbie, or Aggressive Annie? Let me know in the comments. If you appreciated anything you learned here or found it useful, show me some love while I’m building up these socials with a like, share, follow, or subscribe.

Ladies, If you wanna know more about our Tell Me More decks and the C.R.A.V.E. Bonding Techniques, come to one our virtual play nites in our free FB group Divine Sirens: Winning Love Life Lab. Until next time, I wish you the best in love and all of your choices… XOXO, Indigo Dawn, gone. 💋