Are Unrealistic Expectations Sabotaging Your Relationships? 3 Things To Consider.

Unreasonable or unrealistic expectations are a leading cause of relationship anxiety (and perpetual unwanted singledom) and it’s nearly impossible to have a successful relationship as long as you have them.

Newsflash: Unrealistic expectations will more than likely go unmet. Period.

No one feels like dealing with that shit for too long. When the person you’re with fails to live up to your expectations, no matter how unreasonable they are, you get pissed and start nagging and pretty much become the most unpleasant thing to be around.

Having said that, it’s important to realize that there’s a big difference between having unreasonable expectations and having good ol’ fashioned standards for yourself in what you want for your relationship. When you’re clear on what you really want to feel and be in your happiest relationship, and make all of your choices lead to those feelings and those feelings only, your expectations will never be considered unreasonable or unrealistic because you’ll only allow yourself to choose a partner that will be too happy to meet them consistently instead of just settling for what’s available.

Here’s a few unrealistic notions you should avoid like the plague in your relationship:

1. “I shouldn't have to tell him ______, he should just know (what I need)…”

Just about everyone reading this is probably guilty of this one… trying to make our person a mind-reader that should just know what we want when we want it. It’s a hot pile of fairy tale bullshit.

Somehow we feel like just because we have a romantic connection with this person, they’re automatically supposed to be able to just figure it all out like magic. Easy.

Then, we actually get salty and accuse them of “not caring enough to know me” when those needs go unmet. I bet those needs and wants are only mentioned when you’re complaining about them not being met.

That’s “reactive” relationship behavior and it’s damn sure unreasonable. Do yourself a favor and start dealing “proactively” in your relationship by actually letting your man know what you need from him upfront and find out his needs, too, while you’re at it. Your whole relationship will benefit and you’ll both be happier with regular proactive conversations with each other.

2. “I should be able to vent to my man about any and everything that's bothering me…” -

Obviously, I’m not talking about situations like when you think the mechanic is trying to get over on you or something like that. I’m talking about those regular days where some coworker pissed you off after lunch and you call your man to bitch about it only to get even more pissed off at him because ultimately he just doesn’t give a fuck about dumb, gossipy shit like that and doesn’t give you the response you want.

Now, all of a sudden it’s exploded into a problem between you two instead of it being a simple sharing of your day. That man has other things to do besides tend to the emotional whims you’re now trying to pass off as a relationship need. You don’t need him to listen to alladat. Especially when it’s not something he can “fix” or do anything about.

You’re losing emotional equity with him whenever you do that and there’ll be none left in the tank when something real pops off between you and he’s already emotionally drained from the buildup of petty outbursts.

When you need to emotionally vent about anything, do it with your damn girlfriends (or with us in the SIN Agency). For the sake of relationship communication just share the cliffs notes version with him, if you need to, minus all the emotional mumbo jumbo. That way you’re still sharing your day without making him responsible for navigating an emotional minefield he didn’t have anything to do with in the first place. It’s okay to talk about a bad day at work. Just don’t make him responsible for how you feel about it.

3. “I don’t know why my man has to watch porn when he has me right here…” -

The first problem here is that you feel like you’re in competition with porn. Fact is, you kinda are… but not in the way you think. It’s not about big titties and juicy booties (okay a lil bit, but not mostly.).

See, you’re thinking of sex in the romantic, passionate, connected, nurturing way that women do. He’s not. When he’s watching porn, he’s coming from a place of base primal sexual biological encoding and psychological urges. *Read* He wants to bust a nut. Dassit.

It has nothing to do with you per se. It’s the primal sexual beast inside him that wants a release.

Unfortunately (?), our society has taught men to temper that sexual alpha beast in relationships so much that even the “freaky” sex is polite.

So he’s not gonna show you the side of him that wants to jackhammer pound your lubed up titties until he shoots his load all over your face. You might reject him or make him feel weird about it.

So in order to feel respected, appreciated, validated, and admired as a true primal sexual beast, a man turns to things like porn to feed that urge because, let’s face it… it’s the only time he can get a nut with no pressure and no judgement.

The second problem here is the huge opportunity you’re missing to really learn what kinds of things will flip that sexual beast switch on in your man so that all he wants to do is unleash all his primal sexual energy on you and only you. You’d be surprised what you can learn about your man by the type of porn he frequents. And there’s no reason why you couldn’t shock him with a lil primal sexual action yourself. Challenge yourself to learn new things and do new things (you’re comfortable with) that let him express his sexual beast self, and you may not find yourself competing with porn anymore because he’s not able to take his hands off you. Until then, leave him, his hands, and his porn alone…

Look, all romantic relationships have their challenges. When you approach it with unrealistic, unreasonable expectations… a happy, harmonious, romantic relationship becomes impossible. Stop setting yourself and your man up for failure by holding onto unrealistic expectations. Pick your battles wisely, otherwise, you’ll only trap yourself in a cycle of being constantly dissatisfied with everything and find every way under the sun to make your man so frustrated with you until one or both of you can’t take it anymore.

Take a good look at what you and your man expect from each other and determine what adjustments you both need to make to your expectations that would improve and enhance your relationship.